Part 1: The Cowardly Mountainhome

Scouredbridged is the best, most valuable, and the happiest (so say my dwarves) fortress I’ve built so far.

I wanted a site with magma, no aquifer, and flux stone. I got exactly that. What I didn’t get were trees and water. I guess you can’t have everything.

Here’s what the landscape looks like in all directions… flat and barren.

In Dwarf fortress, dwarves will always drink alcohol if they can, and will only drink water if they’ve been injured and need to recover. On a map with no water, this means that a dwarf with a broken leg will NEVER RECOVER, and in fact, die. And because military dwarves inevitably get injured, I’ve decided to play this fortress using nothing but traps and drawbridges as my main defense. I shall cower in my¬† fortress, deep underground, and try my best not to confront the various evils which prowl the surface!

(I have temperatures and weather turned off because my computer is too slow to run them. That means no rain for me. Also, the tiles are all a little squished horizontally because my screen is small.)

Behold, Scouredbridged!

The trade depot is the only way to get wood, and the soil is the only place to grow food. Let’s just pretend it’s really wet soil.

In Dwarf Fortress, you start out with 7 dwarves. I decided to give them really nice, large bedrooms, because I felt bad about the lack of wood. At least I have lots of stone!

Here we see the dining room and statue “garden.” Those red “7’s” over there represent magma. And then there’s the hallway of pet-slaughter.

Now, I like animals. But in Dwarf Fortress, all they do is slow the game down. And my computer is not that fast to begin with. That’s why I’ve created a crude but effective method of crushing them beneath a giant stone “bridge”!

So far, the most exciting thing that has happened in this fortress is that the guy who pulled the lever to kill a pet decided to visit the statue garden immediately after, and got crushed by the descending bridge. Fortunately he was just a useless hide-tanner or something.

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