Dwarf has Made a Macabre Masterpiece!

So I’m going along and things are going well. People are busily preparing food and drinks for the first winter, when all of a sudden, lizardmen attack! Since at this point I didn’t really know what I’m doing, I just observe to see what happens. My 2 war dogs attack them, take down a couple, and then die. So much for this settlement having dogs. The lizardmen also get into a fight with some dwarves, but the miner and carpenter handily cut them down.

I check things out after the battle and see bits of lizardmen and dwarf on the ground and someone’s… lower left leg?

Then I see the poor guy and he’s in a lot of pain, so he hobbles off to a bed where he remains mostly unconscious for a year.

Then it happens: he’s taken by a fell mood.

Not sure what this is about, I curiously watch him hobble down the hallway to the workshop area and take over the butchery. He then proceeds to hobble around the base looking for what I don’t know. Then, suddenly, he kills someone. I am laughing so hard because here’s this guy possessed by who knows what hobbling down my corridor and then he kills someone as they run by. He proceeds to take their corpse to the butchery and begins working on something. What the heck is he making out of another dwarf? Unfortunately, the crippled guy is in so much pain he falls unconscious a lot and works during his short conscious periods. It takes him about 2 YEARS to finish the, erm, dwarf bone chain armor. And now he is a legendary bonecrafter. He walks back to the bed and collapses, where he remains there for another year till he dies.

Written by Kel Woodbury



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Food and Immigrants – A Wintertime Nightmare

Written by Nick Youngblood

This story takes place in my second fortress. My first fortress starved to death in the very first winter, because I misunderstood the summary screen. I thought that the food I had in the “Other” category was actually edible, and so while it seemed like I had enough, in reality I began to starve days after winter began. I still remember the sinking feeling I got when it rained at the beginning of spring, destroying the road I had built for the human traders. That caravan was our only hope, and when the road became impassable, I knew that all was lost. But I digress.

On the fate of the second fortress: I had perhaps 24 dwarves in my fortress going into autumn, and I was confident that we had more than enough food. It would be a lean winter, but I was confident that we would make it through without going hungry. However, days before winter began, I was visited by a group of migrants. Now, apparently my fortress had become known as some sort of greatly sought-after dwarven vacation spot, because in one group of migrants I went from around 25 dwarves to just over twice that amount. Twice as many mouths to feed and not enough food to fill them. Horses and dogs were slaughtered wholesale to make up the lack, but partway through winter we began to starve.

Things were very desperate at this point, but I had learned from my previous mistakes and made sure my road was in good repair. Then, I began to plant crops as fast as I could. Every dwarf I had was assigned to this task. I was sure that if we could just reap a single harvest, we could survive until the humans came to help us. For a time it seemed as though my plan might work. The two plots were almost sown, and soon we would have food enough to survive. I knew that some would die, but we would make it.

I then see this on my screen: “Olav Eitherok has gone stark raving mad! Olav Eitherok has destroyed Plot! Olav Eitherok has destroyed Plot!” I gaped at the screen. One of my farmers had gone mad with hunger, and in his senseless rage destroyed the city’s only chance at life.

I knew now that we were doomed, but I had one last task that I would finish before the end. On the spot of those farms I constructed a stone sepulcher decorated with the finest stonework I could create, four statues at the cardinal points. When Olav finally succumbed to starvation, I had him interred within those walls. I imagined that in their final moments my dwarves carved the story of the fall of Glas Galak upon those stones, so that for all time those who visited this place would know of the infamy of Olav Eitherok, and how his reckless madness had doomed an entire people.

Only the dead inhabit Glas Galak now, but I find some small comfort in knowing that the name of the traitor Olav Eitherok will be cursed for all time, and that though he is dead, he will never be at peace.

Atticspiral – The Basement Drive-thru Fortress

This is the main stomping grounds for the citizens of the horribly-named Atticspiral. It’s the only drive-thru Dwarf Fortress in all the land. It’s poorly named because it’s a half-mile under the surface, and it is built around a straight-as-an-arrow 2-lane underground dwarven highway. Traders stop at Atticspiral to purchase crappy, cheaply made “impulse buy” turtle shell crafts… with a “made in Atticspiral” sticker on every one!  You can see a massive pile of raw turtle shells near the southern end of the screen, lying around because the refuse stockpile is already completely full.

This fortress has a major problem though. The only traders who come through are dwarves (since it’s on a Dwarven highway, after all), and they don’t bring much booze with them. This fact is made worse by the farms of Atticspiral, which are very far away and not very productive.

It takes a dwarf quite a while to get to the surface from down below, so a small stockpile of food and booze is kept near the fields, so that farmers don’t turn back in hunger before they even get there. When finally a plant is produced, and booze produced from it (one requiring the other), it is swallowed down almost before it is added to the stockpile.

Because of this, the dwarves of Atticspiral have taken to walking ALL THE WAY to the TOP of the mountain (I estimate over a kilometer of walking from the base) to get drinks of water. Needless to say, this caused a large decrease in efficiency around here!

So it was problem solving time. I had to get the water all the way down to Atticspiral, without flooding the whole thing. Fortunately, there was a waterfall that fell down a sheer cliff, situated directly above the dining hall. I had my dwarves hollow out a little cave.

I was dismayed to find that the dwarves would not drink right from the waterfall. Maybe they are afraid of getting their poor little mouths hurt? No matter, I sent a dwarf up to the surface to quickly burrow down a chute for water to flow through.

A quick channel was dug, to prevent the whole underground from flooding (the Dwarven race would not be happy with us if we flooded their whole highway). I forbade the dwarves from drinking anywhere else. The dwarves are still grumbling about the complete lack of alcohol, but at least they don’t have to walk far anymore to get a drink… or more turtle shells!

My First Failed Mood

Originally posted by ghostxxx Raging Dwarf

Today I started my 2nd fortress. After good three or four hours of playing, I get a message, “Your miner was taken by a fey mood!”

I’m like, “Alright! Sweet! Artifact time!”

My lower floor began to flood right at that moment so I went to take care of that and completely forgot about the miner.

Ten minutes later, I recieve a messege “Your miner has gone beserk.” !!! Shit! I switch my view to him only watch him chase after my craftsdwarf and beat his face in with his fists.

I make a military squad to quickly take him consisting of my other two miners, woodcutter and a mason. After fiddling with the menus I finally get them to attack him.

Within three minutes he proceeds to beat down my full squad while only sustaining a broken arm and an injured leg.

After completely teabagging my squad he proceeds to rape and pillage all my other dwarves. In horror I watched my whole fortress get single-handedly slaughtered.

Helmbridge’s Population Control Chamber

Work is being completed on the new Population Control Chamber. Notice the Rushing Reservior of Drowning, Helmbridge’s most monumental achievement, is being utilized for this task.

Here is the control room.

The lever behind the door controls the floodgate to the Rushing Reservior.

The two top levers control the gates into the chamber.

The bottom lever controls the floor hatches, allowing the chamber to drain.

The drainage tributary leads directly a small bottomless pit.

Here we have closed off the western gate to the Population Control Chamber, in preparation for its first test! This is an exciting time for all the members of Helmbridge… but some Dwarves have not yet learned of this new device.

Here, a group of fresh, bright faced recruits jaunt merrily toward the chamber. They are told that the meeting they are attending is for orientation into the great fortress of Helmbridge.

All 16 eager dwarves wait. Some even brought their pets along.

The Second lever is pulled…

Completely sealing off all exits….

And finally, the Population Control Chamber is tested for the first time.

One-half second later – water rushes in faster than the speed of sound!

Inexplicably, the Dwarves don’t move an inch in response to the advancing wall of water. They won’t last long though – since there is no air left anymore.

Success! Every single Dwarf has been euthanised! As an added bonus, their useless pets can now be eaten by the remaining population!

Time to test the drainage system.

The water drains quickly.

Conclusion: The first test of Helmbridge’s Population Control Chamber was a great success. In the future, it will hopefully be utilized to combat elven invaders. Until then, it shall remain to discourage Helmbridge’s many workers from misbehaving.